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Time to settle down about the America’s Cup

September 11, 2013

Jingoism – Extreme chauvinism or nationalism marked especially by a belligerent foreign policy.

Though the foreign policy bit doesn’t apply I think New Zealanders need to take a careful look at their reaction to the America’s Cup and wonder if this is really who they want to be.

I haven’t written for a while but as I read through stuff’s America’s Cup live blog I was dumb founded by the ridiculousness of Trevor McKewen and Duncan Johnstone’s gloating over “America”.

“The big ole USA running for cover in the face of an onslaught from a tiny country at the other end of the world. You gotta love that folks!”

“Just as I predicted Trev, the Yankees are stuffed mentally after that loss.”

I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble but Oracle might have Team USA in their name and the stars and stripes on the sail but my golf clubs also have an American flag on them and yet Billy Bob doesn’t give a crap about my latest round at Otakou and Billy Bob doesn’t give a crap about Oracle.

Just stop with the over the top patriotism because if the world was actually paying attention to the America’s Cup you would be embarrassing us all.

Nobody cares about the America’s Cup other than us. Want the best evidence possible? Want twitter evidence? After race 5 the following items were trending on twitter in New Zealand – #americascup, windy, #etnz, Oracle and postponement. The USA was all about fingerprint, Syria and Obama. Australia was all about fingerprint, Syria and Abbot. The United Kingdom was all about fingerprint, Walcott, Milner and Ukraine while Europe was also all about soccer related topics and foreign words none of which translated to anything remotely to do with the America’s Cup but some that translated to fingerprint. Even the region specific San Francisco trends were fingerprint, Syria, keynote, iWork and NSA.

What does this tell me? First New Zealanders missed the announcement that the new iPhone comes with fingerprint recognition. Second something is happening in Syria. Thirdly no one else gives a crap about the America’s Cup.

So not only are we embarrassing ourselves gloating, we are doing it in an empty room while the rest of the world are outside playing. I imagine it going down something like this:

Canada: What are New Zealand in there talking aboot?

Kenya: Oh they are going on about some boat race or something but nobody cares. Hey did you hear about the new iPhone? Fingerprints!


At the risk of being perceived as unpatriotic I will just come out and say it – I hate the America’s Cup. It is the worst sporting event in the world, competed in one of the most boring sports in the world. The boats might be big and impressive but so are cranes and there is no demand for crane racing. I know New Zealand has a love affair with the thing but I missed the reason why.

I just don’t enjoy anything about it and this sort of reaction makes it downright intolerable. And if Dean Barker gets anywhere near the Halbergs I am going to absolutely lose my shit. After years of high quality performances being unfairly downgraded because their sport isn’t seen as “global” while other sports that aren’t really global either get the accolades to then witness a rich white male sport in a highly restricted and farcical competition like the America’s Cup come into the discussion…..well let’s deal with that when we get there but I am already shaking with rage at the thought of it.

In conclusion enjoy the America’s Cup if you choose.  All I ask is that you don’t go overboard about winning an event that the rest of the world moved on from 30 years ago and while you are at it stop with the gloating about getting one over America. They couldn’t care less.


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